studio ponnuki is a small creative studio hidden in the beautiful mountains of the kootenays


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Loves green tea, meditation and noise


Photo / Fashion / Accounting

In house yoga teacher and Thais massage, run


Drawing / Dirt Pudding / Maker

Loves green tea, meditation and noise


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October 30, 2007

back to school

So I haven’t post for few months now. The training at the ashram was intense and good. 

I am back in Montreal and I am freaking out about life. The spiritual path is not a path of ease and spiritual experience. It’s a in between place, where the temptation is there, but also the knowledge that this temptation is useless because it will create more temptation and it will lead me on well known road that always end up in a mess. I met a girl this weekend, this as been one of the most intense reaction I had to a girl in the last year or so. I am praticing sexual continence since few weeks and I have a lot of sexual energy stored up.Like I say, my balls are full. But I don’t want a girlfriend.

 But I played the game, charming smiling, ignoring. Was I playing alone? Maybe. I don’t even know if she was into it. I know now she has a steady sex partner and seems quite satisfyed with that setup. I am not sure about her, but I know I screw her picture down in my guts. I get all emotive when thinking about her. It is so strange, but I know… The more I practice, the more I cultivate my energy, the more potent this energy become.And with that, I need to be really carefull how I behave simply because of the energy that I am building up. And it goes for everything in life. I bought 500$ of video games when I came back from the ashram. And nothing new, a good old school Dreamcast, so I could buy 20 games with it, with the light guns and the steering wheel… So many games I could play non stop for few months.

And of course it’s on the floor picking up dust. I enjoyed more buying the games and finding them than playing. But I end up with tons of games and a loaded credit card. There seems to be some sort of link between these 2 event. Girls and video game. Trying to get some satisfaction, but just ending up with more worries than pleasure. And it seems to be a pattern that come with yoga, meditation and spiritual life. You can’t mix both… I can’t gather energy with all my guts and conciousness and then wasting it in a night of unconscious behavior. It’s a hard path, and it’s slow. I cannot force anything and do more than the environment I am in. I have to much energy now for what I am doing. In any case, I wonder what God wasdoing when he was not creating the world…

I feel better now and I think I will simply be satisfied with what I am and what I have and take more of a semi-god like attitude with all this energy feeding me. Relaxed, poised and in control, like Siva looking at the world without being in the world…